Help! I Tried To Buy Something Online And Now Facebook Thinks I Married It

It all started when I shopped for a pair of sneakers online. After browsing for a few hours, I stopped and decided not to buy anything. But then when I logged into Facebook, it said I married the sneakers!

Don’t get me wrong. I believe people have the right to marry anyone or anything they want. But only if they knowingly agree!

I have a ton of questions but I guess the two biggest are 1. Was there a ceremony? And 2. How do I get this thing annulled? If it’s on Facebook, it must be official, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with some random thing I was maybe gonna buy but didn’t.

On the other hand, I do like the shoes. I wouldn’t have been looking at them if I didn’t. And it was super nice of Facebook to set me up. Maybe I should give the sneakers a chance?

Wait, oh no! I googled “mattress” and now Facebook thinks I cheated on sneakers with mattress! It’s all over my feed! HELP!