Jared Eimicke

The last thing I’d ever want to do is taint my three-year-old son’s mind with that sorry excuse for a film, The Emoji Movie. Therefore, I’m bringing him to the latest Christopher Nolan epic, Dunkirk. I highly recommend you do the same.

That is unless your child is the kind of person who prefers a talking poop to a heartbreakingly authentic portrayal of the Dunkirk evacuation during World War II. If that’s the case, then by all means, see a film that’s been slammed by every respectable critic in the country.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against films for kids. I’m a huge fan of Disney classics such as the Little Mermaid and Aladdin. Not to mention the Pixar short films collection.

However, I implore you to consider not only The Emoji Movie’s lack of quality, but also its insidious nature. It shamelessly devotes an entire scene to selling Candy Crush! The closest Dunkirk comes to such an indignity is not giving enough recognition to the French.

Fifty years from now, will you want your son or daughter to be capable of appreciating a masterful piece of filmmaking? Or would you rather them be a consumer of mainstream drivel?

Bring them to Dunkirk. And let them cry. It’s the only way they’ll learn.